Isolation amidst a million people

it’s 9:35 and I just got off the phone with my friend Katie.  We had a 10 min. conversation.  She’s the only human I’ve talked to today.  I didn’t realize that ’til just now.  I’ve sent messages, texted, even went outside to mow the front lawn (leaf pick-up time), but haven’t spoken a word to anybody until a phone call.

“They” say that more and more people in America are isolated and lonely.  We have the world at our fingertips and that’s where we keep it, via the computer.  We no longer sit on the front porch and wave to our neighbors, we lock ourselves in our cars and drive 6 miles to the grocery store and mall where we rarely see a familiar face.  Personally, when I see a person walking down the street without a dog or not in workout clothes, I stop and think about what they are doing because it’s an odd sight.

I was watching The English Patient today and I picked up on something that was made apparent to me by a Kenyan friend.  In Africa, people live with each other.  You live with your parents until you get married.  When you get married, your parents may come live with you after awhile.  Yes, some live alone, but they can afford to and do so for that reason.  When Kenyans get the chance to come to America for school, sometime they start living alone.  This creates a whole different way of life because now there is no one there to hold you accountable.  You can come and go as you please, doing whatever feels right to you.  The reason this came up in conversation was because Anthony’s girlfriend cheated on him, and he said this never would have happened in Kenya.  Where would she have cheated on him?  There’s no privacy to do such things.  In the movie, Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas find themselves attracted to each other (she married, not to him) but their affair doesn’t happen until they are in Cairo, not in the desert with their 10 other travelmates.

My friend Becki can’t believe that I live alone.  She says that her roommate keeps her accountable and living the way she knows she should.  She couldn’t imagine living alone.  I thought about that statement and then I thought about some of the things that have occurred this past year.  I believe a roommate with morals would have held me accountable.  And on a safety note, I live in a big city where a lot can happen.  I keep in close contact with my neighbor across the street, also a single woman.  I don’t want to be one of those statistics where I don’t show up to work for 3 days before my body is found.

Humans were made to live with other humans, we’ve been doing it for thousands and thousands of years.  But with new times and ideas comes new ways of living.  My mom was married at 21.  She graduated high school, went to college and had a roommate the entire time, then married my father.  The same with both my grandmas.  They don’t know what living alone is like.  But my generation is all about it.  We can afford to, and it’s no longer a stigma to be single in your 30’s and 40’s, so we do it.  But is it affecting our emotional state because our DNA isn’t used to it?  I have the same feelings about processed food, but that’s for another blog.  And is it an “out of sight, out of mind” problem because broken hearts and loneliness aren’t worn on our sleeves?  And because we don’t see isolated people because. . . .they’re isolated.

Why do I write this?  I’m not sure.  I really enjoy my alone time and didn’t feel lonely today or the need to call or see anyone.  In fact, I pondered going to the movies but didn’t want to have to make eye contact  (sometimes it’s a lot of work).  I guess I’m having my 30% hermit moment, but it made me think about people out there that are isolated and can’t seem to figure out what to do about it.

I used to work at a coffee shop as a barista and would have people telling me their life stories.  Give them a latte and a friendly face for a week or two, and you find out A LOT about people.  Truthfully, there are people who go to coffee bars everyday and pay $4 for a latte and are working to create their own brand of community.  Why do you think Starbucks is so successful?  They are selling a community, because their coffee sucks. . . . . .